Marriage – The First Year

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“So, how’s married life?”

This is the question we’ve heard every other month during the first year of our marriage.

The truth is the first year of marriage was tough…Very tough.

This was a very important blog for us as we shared our experience with the world. We pray that our story can be a blessing to someone else. 

 Marcus and I will share our journey through the first year of marriage by answering 4 questions:

1. What did you learn from your first year of marriage?

2. What did you expect from your first year of marriage?

3. What was the hardest part of your first year of marriage?

4. What would you tell other couples about marriage?

Make sure you check out  Our Love Story to see how we met & our wedding day details.

What did you learn from your first year of marriage? 

Decinta Response:

I’ve learned a lot about myself during my first year of marriage. Together, we have slowly evolved into the person(s) we are today, as a result of the challenges from our first year of marriage. Here are the most important things I’ve learned:

Trust God’s Timing, Process, and His ability to heal all situations. The first few months of my marriage, I was sick to the point that there were days I couldn’t even get out of bed. I was thinking “Why, now Lord”? I had just got married…I was supposed to be in one of the happiest seasons of my life. God had other plans, testing our marriage in a very early stage. My husband took care of me, encouraged me to trust God and get into the WORD. We made it through by the grace of God.

I also learned the importance of staying equally yoked with my husband. You are going to need God at times when no one has any answers but Him. For me, it was about building my own relationship with God. Spending time with God became very important to me, I knew our marriage wouldn’t stand a chance without having God in the center of our lives. I had to dedicate my time to God…so yes I had to give up spending my free time with friends, putting my social life on hold, in order to focus on developing a relationship with God. We made God the center of our life not friends, family, or work.

Marcus Response:

I have learned to value my wife’s voice and the difference between a husband and a provider. I became a husband on June 24, 2017, but I became a provider on January 1, 2018 when all our household became my sole responsibility, after my wife left her job. You’ll learn more about that transition in her next blog post. It was the most challenging experience of my life because I had to stop being selfish, stop thinking about myself first, and start thinking about my wife first.

Marriage is a Marathon and I thank God for my wife. Our first year was the foundation for even greater things.

What did you expect from your first year of marriage? 

Decinta Response:

I went into my marriage not thinking anything would change in our relationship. I thought our first year of marriage would be smooth sailing. Let me get real…I thought we would still do date nights, have BOMB.com love making sessions, and stay in the “honeymoon” stage forever. Haha …  That was not reality. It was one of the biggest adjustment of my life, which really caught me off guard at first. Sis, y’all gotta get real creative with these date nights because if you’re anything like me you can easily get bored. I’ll give you guys another blog on how I keep our date nights entertaining.

The thing with expectations is that we usually don’t even realize we have them until they are not met. Every woman wants to be the best at whatever she does, for me becoming a wife was a role I was willing to set HIGH expectations for in life. Now granted I’ve never shared them with my husband because I just figured we had the same expectations. I was over here trying to be the “perfect wife” when he didn’t even expect half of what was on my checklist. I was out here in these streets trying to be Rachael Ray &  Ayesha Curry Haha ..Lesson Learned …. It’s very important to communicate with your spouse on everything to ensure you both stay on the same page.

Marcus Response:

In our first year of marriage, I expected to have very few challenges. I thought we would be able to relax, have fun, and enjoy each other but that wasn’t the case. After our honeymoon, my wife got sick.

We spent several months at the doctor’s office trying to help her get better. We were also trying to relocate at the same time. At times, it did feel like we were on a roller coaster …BUT GOD.

What was the hardest thing about your  first year of marriage?

Decinta Response:

The hardest part was the ever-evolving topic of finances.  When you have two HIGHLY independent personalities joined together, the struggle is REALLLLL!! Like REALLLLLLLL .. Compromise becomes not only essential, but mandatory. To help make it easier we’ve created some spreadsheets, finished Dave Ramsey Peace University, and utilized other budget systems to better plan for our financial future as a couple. Since we combined our income, assets, etc., we’ve been able to pay off over $15,000 in debt. TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAM WORK. During this first year, we worked to create and nurture a healthy balance between independence and togetherness– not always an easy task but we DID IT.

Marcus Response:

Getting on the same page financially has been the hardest part and we are still working on it. I’ve been a spender while my wife is a saver; I’ve been a giver, while my wife is very frugal. I had to allow God to change the way I think about money, credit, and wealth. Now, I love listening to Dave Ramsey Peace Program  on Spotify.

God has renewed my mind, we are now on the road to becoming debt free, we are tithing on every dollar we earn, and God is blessing us.

What would you tell other couples about marriage?

Decinta Response:

Get you a GOOOOOD therapist … ha-ha no really we still do therapy and it has helped us tremendously through our relationship.

Marriage is very rewarding, it’s one of the best decisions I’ve made thus far… I would say it’s very important for you to focus on YOU but not in a selfish way. While you should not disregard your partner, you must understand that taking care of yourself is going to help you be your best self in your marriage.  Self care is very important, don’t get wrapped up into becoming the “perfect wife”. Make sure you express your love for your partner everyday. Pray together, communicate about everything and stay equally yoked with your partner in every season. Make sure God is the center of YOUR life not just your spouse. Lastly, your marriage is just that…YOUR marriage. What God has for you is for YOU, don’t try to create a marriage based on the opinions of others.

We’ve learned that supporting individual passions means the world — like being debt free and starting businesses….we’ve also agreed to prioritize time with friends, investing our time with believers who can help us develop a healthy marriage. Also, find you a “seasoned  couple” that’s been married for 20 plus years…it’s life changing trust me on this one. —- Major Key.

Marcus Response:

I would tell couples that marriage is the best decision you will ever make. Yes, its hard but its even harder to live your life outside of God’s will, surviving only by His Grace. Marriage is God’s will.

  1. Read the Bible and pray together
  2. Be friends first
  3. Talk about money and finances each day
  4. Commit to intimacy
  5. Keep your marriage in your house

Throughout the many challenges of our first year our marriage, this scripture helped us make it:

Trust in the LORD with all thin heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

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Wedding Pictures By Yah Photography

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